Hope it has stopped…

It was a horrifying event indeed. Whole Mumbai was in chaos for 3 days. And is still not feeling as secure as it felt four days ago! An unexpected disaster. Destruction of lives and wealth. Taj, Oberoi, NAriman House, You’ve read it all in the newspapers and seen it all Live on the TVs. Seeing it live! Thank God I could’nt see it! We do not have TVs here, that’s why I couldn’t watch any of the live telecasts of the massacre. Wondering why I’m thanking God for that!? Well, just by reading the newspapers and hearing to latest updates on phone, I was heartbroken. So shocked, that the thought that something so huge and brutal was going on on the other part of the city kept me up at night. I was disturbed all day because of the impact that the news had left on me. I kept praying for everything to get alright soon. It hurt so much. Reading about people who had lost their loved ones, about those who witnessed it all inside the hotels, who saw people shooting nonstop and blood everywhere. It kept me pathetically disturbed for two days. Worst was hearing about the CST station. It’s one of my favourite places at Mumbai. I love the place, its ambience, its structure. I just love it. Well, if nothing else, that’s where I start my journey from when I go home. Hearing about firing at CST made me feel creepy. I was able to visualize it all and that scared me to the core! Just imagine the sight, people ready, waiting for their trains to their hometowns or other places, who would’ve never thought that they wouldn’t leave the station at all. They wouldn’t reach those places ever. That would be their last hour of life!!! It’s very sad. We’ve already read several news on this and we really don’t know who to blame. That an individual opinion. Recalling it still disturbs me badly. If this is the case then just think of those who are directly related to the incidence in some way; be it the hotels, the tourists, the people, the policemen, the NSGs. Its SAD.

Anyway, All my mumbaikars will come out of this soon and be back in action. No one can affect our spirits so easily. The repairs however would be difficult and time consuming.

Combating insomnia…

Hate to think about last night when I couldn’t sleep for a couple of hours… out of these hours, few were gone in assignments, and the rest precious golden( gold is precious, u know!! Esp des days :P ) hours of my life, were gone in struggling for sleep!!! It was one of the worst days of college... Loads of assignments to be submitted on Tuesday! Yeah! We still have those Scary Sunday nights when we sit and complete our assignments all night, sometimes racking our brains to do them and sometimes(most of the times) editing and copying each others’ stuff! :P Along with this we have that horrifying thought of getting up early in the morning for the <(don’t wanna use slang words!!)> Monday Yoga session!!! But this was different! For a change we were supposed to submit the assignments on Tuesday and this Monday night was thus made memorable!!
We go through that “stayin’ up for long, at night” phase very frequently! But this Monday night I truly experienced the disorder called insomnia. It was atrocious! I finished my assignment asap. Being an engineer helps :P You’re used to doing that silly work(Esp. Copying) fast! Completed it all expecting to sleep as early as possible as I was extremely tired after the hectic day. Everybody else in the flat was still doing the work. Taking the blanket and sliding myself inside it, I tried to avoid the light disturbing my eyes which were deep in sleep and eyelids drooping as if they had some Kgs of weight tied to them. That reminds me of an episode of Tom and Jerry where Tom was deep asleep but had to keep a watch on Jerry and hence had stuck two matchsticks between the eyelids to keep ‘em open, somehow! I hope you all remember the episode I am talking about! If not, Get a life!! Go watch some T n J dvds :P !! Anyway, I was there inside the blanket expecting to sleep as soon as I get inside the blanket. But all my expectations were proved wrong by this disastrous disorder. My roommates as well as two other friends were all in this room completing the darned assignments. But things went worse when they decided to do it with the music on!!! In hostel I’ve observed one thing. You go through such times when: You feel like staying alone, isolated, in solace, in solitude, or you feel like listening to frustoo rock music in high volume, or you feel like running somewhere to some nice calm place and find peace, or just go alone for a walk so that you get some space and time for yourself. It happens!! Happens with me and I always try to understand if it happens with someone else. But it’s not always right to consider such things for others….!! My dear roomie kept the songs going for hours, in high sound. Initially, the great person inside me thought it’s ok, they must be in that mood of listening to (loud) music. But the songs wouldn’t stop!! :( I thought of telling them to lower the volume as each song ended, but couldn’t (for some unknown reasons) at the end of any song! Gradually, many songs passed by, many minutes, and hours passed by. My scene: I am hiding inside the blanket, trying to prevent my eyes from the light, and covering my ears slightly to avoid the disturbance, and my mind riding the roller coaster of thoughts which in turn is stopping me from falling asleep!!! This happened for more than an hour. When I came to my senses later, I saw my roomie waking me up to shut the door as she was going out, early at dawn!!
Man! That restlessness for those couple of hours was so bad, I felt like running away, or grabbing some sleep somehow, or going home to mom and sleeping in her lap, or crying out loud of the frustration! And all this for what !!? I could’ve said and my friends could’ve turned the music off. Donno why I didn’t do it! Don’t know why I chose to struggle rather than sleeping calmly. I only invited those frustoo hours for myself. Anyway, that was last night. I am sleepy now and wish to have a sound sleep tonight!! …. Zzzzzzzzzzzz,……..zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Keep on movin’

It’s still going on… dozing off in the lectures, being completely blank when a professor pops up a question in the class, then striving hard with the li’l bit of the common sense that you have, to answer it so that you don’t seem dumb! (…as dumb as you are :P )
We had a few long minutes of meditation last time in the yoga sessions. Well, meditated methodically for the first time. Believe me! It DIDN’T work AT ALL!!! My restlessness crossed its limits; it was far more than what it is during a regular stressful day. I really wanna know how people meditate for hours! God! It was few minutes (Around 10-15; and I felt as if it was around an hour or even more!!!) of extreme brain-torture! The instructor asks you to shut your eyes, clear your mind of all the thoughts, concentrate on some darned spinal cord image in your head, imagine various different colored parts of it. Was not getting anything outta what he was saying. All I felt there was, try sitting straight (Erect- this is not easy guys, if you’re not used to it and that too for so long) and then think of concentrating on the spine!! Somebody tell him that if we sit straight we need to concentrate more on the posture, do hell with the spine! :D Anyway, all thoughts of the world come to your mind during the meditation (especially when it’s your first time!!), your eye balls keep moving inside the compact space of the closed eyes rigorously. Each minute, you try to open your eyes for a fraction of seconds to see what’s going on around. Hah! All this and more, completely killing the motive of the yoga sessions, which is, probably, to make the students stress-free. However, it’s nothing more than a punishment that we go through twice a week, early in the morning!!
After screwing up the first trimester, I had made many resolutions. They’re all predictable and need not be mentioned!! (Frankly, writing them down would make me more guilty!) Evidently, I haven’t put many efforts in going ahead with the resolutions. Still getting pathetic grades in mid terms, even in the subjects that I had really studied :P Got good/over average grades in a couple of courses like HR and marketing; but then two subjects do nothing to compensate for the Great losses in the rest of the subjects where I’ve got horrendous grades or expecting to get so!! There’s no alteration in the amount of masti though!! But it’s time to get serious! Every day there’s this one moment, when I feel, “its time to get serious now! :|”. But then, you know how li’l moments pass by :P

Jane kya chahe man bawra…

That’s something everyone sings at some point of time or the other. Its supposed to be a Sad song (feelin’ blue…Remem!)….no matter whether you are sad or not, you surely click into your iTunes or MediaPlayers to listen to it. Not just because it’s such a catchy song, but because, deep inside, you really wonder what your heart wants!!! You see the world moving around you in great speed. People chatting, a group of friends cracking jokes in a corner, people walking by the corridors, professors, sweepers, seniors, juniors… your classroom half filled with your classmates, others come and go, they chat, sing, scream, fight, some work, some stay calm,… its all Happening! Around you! You very well know where you’re going, what you’re doing. Completing assignments, preparing for presentations, cursing the college schedules, moaning for the horrendous food, gossiping, chatting for long on phone with your special ones, hanging up parents’ calls asap… all this goes on all day long. Do you really know where you’re going!!

You observe people, notice their qualities, good as well as bad. Maybe you compare them with yourself. You might not agree but all of us DO. Comparison is something we all do knowingly or unknowingly. We always try to find something in us that we see in others, we want it in us. If it’s something bad in others, we criticize them to the core. All the frustration of that day is then dedicated to that guy!! :P But, Where does this take you! In the competition, you are running, chasing each one around you, but are you lost in yourself? I see people being too contemptuous to others, I see some as great friends in the crowd, however, I also find them bitching about them behind their backs. Where is all this taking us? The so called Networking which is so important in today’s time, is it all just for the work you can extract from them? Where’s the care gone that you had for your friends when you were in your primary. Has the world become such a mean place to live in!?

I got this picture somewhere. Funny haan!!? Well, it clearly explains what I am trying to get outta my head from so many confusing words of mine!! The selfless child inside you has also become this big mean beast, of course, under the influence of the world around! This does not lead to any conclusion. Life will go on, we’ll become better managers, great professionals, maybe happily meaner by the day. It’s just a thought :|

In the end…Its al about the “ME” (You)…

It’s a real deep thought, of quite many days by now. Do good for others, for friends, for mom, dad, bro, sis. Rack your brains for finding out solutions for these loved ones. Ultimately for what, your own satisfaction!? People say its ultimately for your own selfish motive of making yourself happy, by that feeling of satisfaction which you get after helping others. Indeed! I have a friend who always said to me, “you do too much for others and ultimately what happens is they almost (always) forget you, and what you’ve done for them”. He always wished (and still wishes) that I would stop doing this Generous job and “being so good” to whomever... Being Agony Aunts these days does no good he says. I feel how selfish of him to say that; it’s always good to help people out. But then ultimately I am convinced by him that what I feel is equally selfish and done for my own satisfaction. Whatever! Leave it all!!
That reminds me of another friend of mine. A True taurian!! Well, I have some hidden chemistry with taurians!! (That would, however be discussed later in some of my posts)
True taurian. Stubborn. Considering herself self-dependent, which taurians always do! (I am trying not to get into the whole taurian debate, but cant help it!!! You see, some hidden chemistry !! :P) Phew! Coming back to my friend, we see many such people around. Each one who reads this would relate to some or the other friend of his/her.
“You must not do this, dear, its really not good for you!” Imagine this being said to you by: Firstly: Your best friend, your girlfriend/boyfriend, or any of your friends.
Secondly: Your mom, dad, bro (if you are a girl), sis (if you are a boy).
I bet, you would take it differently for both the cases. You wouldn’t like to hear it from those in the Second case!!! Even if you do, it’s too heavy for you to bear!! In our words “ It Sucks!!”
If it’s someone from the First case, its too soothing to your ears, you feel they care so much about you. You’re ready to listen to them and follow what they say (even though they say the same thing as do your parents or siblings, Believe me!!) I don’t understand why this difference!!!
Even I am among these people. Each one of us!! I find only one word revolving around all this : “Ego”. Your own parents criticizing u, giving u lectures, your own brother or sister giving the old Gyaan really pisses you off. You feel you know it all, and its really kinda awkward “listening” to them. The SAME thing said to us by our dear friends feels such music to the ears! We start feeling they care a lot about us, rather More!! That Might be true though, in case of a few unfortunate friends, but it’s All In Us!!... ”Humari Soch!!”
A new friend made, even on the internet seems to care a lot. Do you even know who he/she is! Where and on which part of the world!! Is he really the way he talks or behaves! Why is it called the “virtual” world then, if they’re all True!! That’s something which can have varied arguments! The point is about our own Self. If we believe something’s right, we do it, IRRESPECTIVE of others’ opinions about it!!
Donno what brought me to this thought. Getting crazier day after day. Things here, seem to suck you big time! The little time you get in the whole day is at night, you get into the daily frustoo mode, criticize everything around you, turn philosophical and even philanthropic, or may even turn up to be a misanthropic or cynic in the end!! Arrghhh! I am at a loss of words now!!

Life at ITM so far…

It’s all been great in here. I was looking forward to this from so long!! Meeting new people, life at a B School and all that! Well, as far as the school is concerned it’s good enough. Tests, presentations etc. they keep us busy. And about meeting new people, it has been a wonderful experience!! In the four years of engineering I have made quite a few friends. I always wanted to see what others were like in the school that I would join for my masters. Coming to finding faults, I had always been around weird people in my college. Well, I have better words for weird, like immature, childish, not-at-all-what-they-shud-b-at-20!! :P But that would just make me rude!! ;) Of course, the best of friends that I’ve ever made in my life are from my engineering college…J (love u guys!!) Coming to Mumbai and knowing people from all parts of the country is interesting. People right from Udaipur to Guwahati, Kerala to Lucknow. It’s like, whole India, in here, working together. People with work-ex, freshers like me (farzi engineers rather), all under one roof; get to learn loads from each one!!! Anyway, that’s d story of a B school, which, I guess everybody enjoys and learns from. We have a wide variety of people..some I really like and admire..some I hate to the core..some others who barely get noticed. Some come here with a secondary aim of getting engaged..hah! It’s really fun to watch.. We see people trying to get hooked up. We see seniors (couples) all deeply engrossed in their (so-called) love…

Gelling along with roommates was another interesting job, but not at all difficult…I gel well with people soon.. I’ve always found a big difference between the gals who’ve studied at an All Girls’ school and the gals who’ve done their schooling from Co-Ed schools… well that’s quite interesting… on one side we have those gals who’ve never had boys around and go crazy about them after coming into co-ed colleges, and on d other side we have gals who have al brains to know and behave with guys ( I have studied in co-ed each time, for info :P )….its fun watching those other kinda gals goofin’ around in college, gossiping about them… but bitching is another word that’s a part n parcel of hostel life (gals hostels Esp ). I somehow don’t love doing it, yet of course am a part of it during the sessions at hostel at night. Its fun :P I find fun in everything we do in here. Having late night snacks after the pathetic college food, which barely fills our tummies, is another thing that we’ve started doing in here. Each time I make this big decision of eating more fruits n having healthy food, staying away from junk food, I end up eating outside food that very night. My laziness has no limits. Maybe its because I get tired (but that’s definitely an excuse)…. Laziness to d extent that I wouldn’t go to the water cooler in the neighbouring flat and get a bottle filled up even if I’m dead thirsty… spoiling my own health, but then it hardly matters. The only time I realize it is when I go home and eat mom-made food, and when people say “ohh you’ve gone thinner, are u not eating well, poor girl, working so hard, has so much to study in there” hah. Who knows it’s not all about studies!! :P its all my fault, not taking care… hey! I finally found a fault in myself too!! :P sometimes its good to deviate from the Capricorn traits… something positive!! :)

All this has been going on from the last five months. I hope I improve myself, become more responsible, lesser lazy, work harder, blah blah blah!!